"Anna Nicole Does Hannah Harper and Mercedez"
Interview by Dan Kapelovitz
"Fuck the camera with your eyes," Anna Nicole Smith instructs blond beauty Hannah Harper and raven-haired porn vixen Mercedez. "I wanna see you scream with your eyes. Pretend the camera's your boyfriend."
Smith--famous model, widow, actress and reality-TV star--is definitely enjoying her role as a pornographic puppetmaster in her XXX directorial debut. The Texas-bred bombshell even serves as an enthusiastic lube girl, pulling the bottle from her oversized bra whenever a model's genitalia becomes insufficiently moist.
During the photo-session, Smith consumes large quantities of Cristal champagne, presumably for inspiration, and, at one point, almost walks off the set in tears because of creative differences with photographer Clive McClean. Fortunately, Smith regains her composure, and the session ends triumphantly to applause as the former Guess? model dumps gallons of milk all over Harper's head and body.
As the last drops splashed, this reporter rushed in to capture Smith's views on the shoot, big gay dicks and selling her used underwear to Chinese men.
KAPELOVITZ: Did you get turned on by the photo-shoot?
SMITH: Yeah. You're gonna get turned on if two girls are sticking dildos up their twats. You're gonna get turned on if people are eating each other out. I didn't come in my panties, but you're gonna get a little intrigued.
KAPELOVITZ: What was your favorite shot?
SMITH: The milk shot. They were telling me it was a Western shoot, and I was thinking, Hmm, what if they had one of those big old buckets that they have for the horses to lick their water out of? I wonder if they could put the girls in there and just have some milk poured all over their bodies. So I got some milk, brought that up here, and we did that shot. That was the last shot, and it turned out very, very sexy.
KAPELOVITZ: If you directed another layout, what would you shoot?
SMITH: I would do a lot more stuff. I would have laid them in the hay. The guy [Clive McLean] said that the girls didn't want to lay in the hay because it's really scratchy. But I've done shots in the hay. It does hurt, but you get very good pictures out of it. You just gotta want to go the distance.
KAPELOVITZ: You seemed to get a little sadistic with the dildo.
SMITH: I wanted to shove it in there some more. I wanted to really get into it.
KAPELOVITZ: Do you watch porn?
SMITH: I have a lot of porn tapes at home. I have watched men and women. I have watched lesbian porn. I have watched gay porn. I have watched midget porn. I have watched every kind of porn you can imagine.
KAPELOVITZ: What's your favorite?
SMITH: I don't like gay porn. I went out and bought this gay porn [video], but it's like they're bored with themselves. It was just two men who were going like this; [thrusts her hips while looking at her watch] "Lawdy dawdy dawdy dah. I'm fucking. God, when's this job over with? I'd like to go home and eat or something." I was so turned off by it, I had to turn the tape off. But gay men have the biggest fucking dicks in the fucking world; their dicks are like this fucking big [places her index fingers approximately 12 inches apart] and that fucking big around [makes a huge semicircle with her hand].
KAPELOVITZ: Why do you think that is? Do you think homosexuality is biologically determined?
SMITH: I have no idea why their dicks are so big. But on the straight men, their dicks aren't that big. They have dicks that big [places her index finger and her thumb a couple of inches apart].
KAPELOVITZ: What do you think of the trend in porn to show urination?
SMITH: Oh, my God. I just picked up a HUSTLER last night, and I looked at it, and I see all of these girls pulling their pussies apart, pissing and stuff. I'm like, "Oh, my God." But I love golden showers.
KAPELOVITZ: Do you enjoy giving them or receiving them?
SMITH: I love giving and receiving. Yeah, it's warm.
KAPELOVITZ: With men or women?
SMITH: I tell not; I'm a lady.
KAPELOVITZ: Who's your favorite blond bombshell?
SMITH: Marilyn Monroe. Absolutely. She's beautiful. I lived in her house for six months.
KAPELOVITZ: The one where she died?
SMITH: Yes. I could feel her ghost. My son hated the house. One time, I had a friend over. He pushed me down on my bed, and we were kissing. I sat back up on my bed and went, "Oh, my God." And he was like, "What?" My dresser moved up, and I was like, "It's Marilyn. Look behind you." He didn't want to believe it. He said, "What are you talking about?" I said, "That dresser." And he's like, "No, that was just an earthquake." I was like, "That was no earthquake; that was Marilyn."
KAPELOVITZ: Do you think Marilyn was murdered?
SMITH: I think she was murdered by the mob.
KAPELOVITZ: To frame the Kennedys?
KAPELOVITZ: How was your meeting with Larry Flynt yesterday?
SMITH: Great. Larry is so wonderful. He's really down-to-earth—really nice guy. I didn't expect him to be so nice. He reminded me a lot of my husband [deceased tycoon Howard Marshall II]—so down-to-earth, no bullshit. He talked just straight-out.
KAPELOVITZ: What did you talk about?
SMITH: We talked about everything. I asked him a bunch of questions about his past, about his life. He just told me straight-out everything that happened. No bullshit, really honest. I like him a lot. I hope that we become really good friends, because it's hard to make friends, and he's a great guy to know.
KAPELOVITZ: What's your favorite episode of your show?
SMITH: I think it would probably have to be my Christmas party, because I got so completely drunk before anyone even showed up.
KAPELOVITZ: Is Cristal your favorite drink?
SMITH: Yes. Budweiser's my favorite beer. Cristal's my favorite champagne.
KAPELOVITZ: Do you follow politics at all?
SMITH: No, I know nothing.
KAPELOVITZ: What do you think about George Bush?
SMITH: I know nothing.
KAPELOVITZ: Have you ever met a President?
SMITH: I know nothing.
KAPELOVITZ: Where's your son's father?
SMITH: He's back in Texas. He's retarded.
KAPELOVITZ: Do you still talk to him?
SMITH: I haven't talked to him since my son was almost a year old. He went crazy, and I haven't seen him since. When the show first came out, he tried to say he didn't think Daniel should be a part of the show, but where the fuck was he fucking 17 years ago? Who the hell does he think he is? Where was my child support 17 years ago?
KAPELOVITZ: What kind of fan reaction have you received since your show has aired?
SMITH: Girls want me to sign their breasts.
KAPELOVITZ: What about guys?
SMITH: They want me to sign my underwear. They want me to sleep in my underwear, and then send it to them signaturized [sic].
KAPELOVITZ: Do they offer you a lot of money for that?
SMITH: Well, Chinese guys do; they send me $100 with underwear. They want me to sleep in them and then send them back.
KAPELOVITZ: Do you do that?
SMITH: I haven't done it yet, but I've thought about it.
KAPELOVITZ: Do you send the money back?
(This article first appeared in the December 2003 issue of Hustler Magazine)
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